This all started when Retrospecter said the following:
"if GF from fnf weighs 900 lbs according to the devs, what would that make BF weigh :PES_think:"

and then someone replied:
"How dense are they is my question"

And so my MatPat brain kicked in, and so here's my essay on all possible questions you all might have:

--- 1 - How dense?

Well...since GF wights in 900lbs, I'll just assume her volume because I don't know the canon height, I'll assume 5'3'' which converted is about 1.6m

If I do some conversion 900lbs is 408.24Kg
And if I do some more weird stuff:

Density[GF] = Mass/Volume = 408.24Kg/0.066m³, this is about 6185.45kg/m³.

So she's 5x denser than a human, and close to iron (~7,800 kg/m³).
GF is basically made of dense rock or light metal lol
I probably shouldn't have choosen to take physiscs class back in sophomore year
Now that I think of, no wonder why BF is so attraced to her, her gravitational pull is too strong.

If she jumps, I expect an earthquake



--- 2 - How many Netons?

And if we use Netwton's 2nd law:

F = ma
F = 408 * 9.81 = 4000N

Let’s say she lands from just 0.5 meters high, it cannot be that bad...right? Well...

F = mv/t
v = sqrt(2gh) = sqrt(2 * 9.81 * 0.5) that's about 3.13 m/s
So...the impact force:

F= 408*3.13/0.1 = 12770N



--- 3 - Singularity?

By this point someone said "she's 87 foot long" which got me thinking...can that cause a singularity?
Well...

Okay so...to calculate this Imma use The Schwarzschild Radius

r²=2GM/c²

where:
G = 6.674 * 10⁻¹¹m³/kg * s² (the gravital constant)
M is the mass in kg
c  = 310⁸m/s (A.K.A the speed of light)
rₛ is in meters

And now we can calculate our Geef Fried:

rₛ=2 * 6.674×10⁻¹¹ * 408.2​ / (3 * 10⁸)² which is about...6.0510⁻²⁵m

So...To form a singularity all 408.2 kg of Geef Fried would need to be compressed into a space smaller than 0.000000000000000000000000605 meters

HOWEVER!

If she kept the same density as normal GF (~6,185 kg/m³), and scaled up to 87 feet tall...
We can estimate her volume by human scaling
Humans scale with the cube of their height and if original GF is ~1.6 m and 408 kg...

New volume would be:

V[new] = V[old] * (26.5/1.6)³ = 0.066 * 4578 which is about 302m³
And her mass:

M = p * v = 6185 * 302 which is about 1868000kg
That's massive

re-doing the Schwarzschild radius with that:
rₛ= 2 * 6.674×10⁻¹¹ * 1.87*10⁶ / (3 * 10⁸)² which is about 2.77×10⁻²¹m

Still super tiny so no singularity (damn...) but she could start triggering localized tectonic damage just by walking



--- 4 - The pull?

Alright so, I've been thinking, what is the gravitational force GF exerts on BF?
Well, I'll use Newton's Law of Universal Gravitation to check it out:

We know that Newton's gravitational Law goes by this formula:

F = G* m[1] * m[2] / r²

Where:

F = gravitational force in Newtons
G = 6.674 * 10⁻¹¹ Nm²/Kg² which is the Universal Gravitation Constant
m[1] = mass of GF in kg
m[2] = mass of BF in kg
r = distance between them in meters

So, let's replace the values:

GF's mass (m[1]) = 408 kg
BF's mass (m[2]) = I'm going to assume 200lb (90.7kg) because we all know he's a fatass
Distance r = 1 meter (Let's say they're just casually side by side)

Replacing the formula:

F=6.674 * 10⁻¹¹ * 408 * 90.7 / 1²
That would be around: 2.47*10⁻⁶N or 0.00000247 Newtons
That's...barely anything

So yeah, BF is atracted to GF because he really likes her, not because of the gravitational pull



--- 5 - Kinetic Energy?

We can calculate the Kinetic energy by the following formula:

KE= 1/2*mv2

But since we’re dealing with free fall from a building, we can find velocity at impact using:

v = sqrt(2gh)

So adding that to our original formula it would be something like:

KE= 1/2*m(2gh) = mgh

As I said before **pure free fall with no air resistance**, kinetic energy at impact equals gravitational potential energy at the start.

Alright, let's replace everything with nums:

Mass (m) = 408.2kg
g = 9.81 m/s²
h = let's say she's falling from a 10 story building lol (around 30 meters)

KE = 408.2 * 9.81 * 30 which is about 120176 J

That's aprox. 12000 Joules of energy!
That’s about the same energy as:

A small car hitting a wall at 30–40 km/h or detonating 29 grams of TNT

BUT

What if she's kaiju-sized? (87 foot)?

Well...KE=1.87*10⁶*9.81*30 which is about 550 * 10⁶ J
yup, 550 MILLION JOULES

That's about detonating 131 kg of TNT
SHE'S A TACTICAL BOMB!



--- 6 - Terminal Velocity?

Okay, strap in, thing are gonna get *funky*

So, to calculate the Terminal Velocity we use this formula:

v[t] = sqrt(2mg/ρAC[d])

where:

m = mass(kg)
g = 9.81 m/s²
ρ = air density (around 1.225 kg/m³ at sea level)
A = cross-sectional area (m²)
C[d] drag coefficient (dimensionless)

CASE1 - canon weight, assumed 5'3'' height

C[d] = 1.0 (rough human ina spread position between skydiver and boxy object)
Cross-sectional area is around torse/shoulders facing down.
Let's estimate A = 0.5m² (tipical human-ish)

Let's replace everything:

v[t] = sqrt(2*408*9.81/1.225*0.5*1.0) which is around 144.3m/s

Converting that into something most people understand:
144m/s is round 410km/h or 255mph

"Gotta go fast" am I right?

CASE2 - Kaiju Sized:

Grab another formula:
A[Kaiju] = 0.5*(26.5/1.6²) which is around 137m²

Replace that in the same formula I've shown before:

v[t] = sqrt(2*1.87*10⁶*9.81/1.225*137*1.0) that's about 468.5m/s

468 m/s = 1,684 km/h = Mach 1.37
She's BREAKING the sound barrier by belly-flopping from the sky!

If you hear an EAS alert, dw, that's just Kaiju-sized GF falling (run).



--- 7 - How much sound energy does a 1.87 million kg kaiju GF release when she claps??

Let’s break it down:

Sound power is energy per second (Watts), and loud claps (from humans) typically range from 120 to 130 dB SPL at close range.

But we’re talking Kaiju GF, so...We want to estimate acoustic power (P) released, and then maybe convert it into SPL (Sound Pressure Level).

A typical human clap is ~130 dB at ~1m → ~2 Watts of acoustic power (yes, surprisingly high!)

Sound power roughly scales with the square of force applied (and GF’s hands are massive)


Let's say...

Human hands slap together with ~100 N of force

Kaiju GF could easily slap with 10⁶ N or more (that’s lowballing it — remember her mass is 1.87×10⁶ kg)

Okay, let's grab the formulas again:

To scale power output:

P[gf] aprox. P[human] * (F[gf]/F[human])²
P[gf] aprox. 2*(10⁶/10²) = 2*10⁸ Watts

Aight, convert that to dB:

L = 10 log[10] (P/P[o])

Where P[0] = 10⁻¹²W (reference sound power level)

L= 10 log[10] (2*10⁸/10⁻¹²) = 10 log[10] (2 * 10²⁰) which is around 203dB SPL

Conclusion:
203 dB SPL at 1 meter

In perspective that's:

Louder than a Saturn V rocket at launch

Above the threshold of death for human ears (~185 dB)

Enough to rupture lungs, flatten structures, and make eardrums explode in a 200-meter radius

Got hearing protection or hearing aid? You'll need them.



--- 8 - Compton Wavelength???

Y'know what? Nah, we're not done yet.

The Compton wavelength λ[C]​ of an object is given by:
λ[C] = h/mc

Where:

h = Planck’s constant which is 6.626*10⁻³⁴J*Hz⁻¹
m = Mass in kg
c = Speed of light

CASE1 - canon weight, assumed 5'3'' height

λ[C] = 6.626*10⁻³⁴/ 408.2*3.00*10⁸
     = 6.626*10⁻³⁴/ 1.2246*10¹¹
     = 5.41*10⁻⁴⁵ meters

That’s 0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000541 meters!

Smol. This is many, many orders of magnitude smaller than a proton. Canon GF’s quantum wavelength is effectively zero for all practical purposes, meaning:

No quantum weirdness like noticeable wave behavior. (damn...)

CASE2 - Kaiju Sized

Let's try by replacing with the new data:

λ[C] = 6.626*10⁻³⁴/ 1.87*10⁶*3.00*10⁸
     = 6.626*10⁻³⁴/ 5.61*10¹⁴
     = 1.18*10⁴⁸ meters

Even smaller.

Conclusion:

GF’s Compton wavelength is hella tiny, She so thicc, even quantum mechanics says "nah I’m out."




--- 9 - If GF Emits Hawking Radiation, What’s Her Half-Life???

Let’s say GF is a black hole.  (help me, IDK what I'm saying anymore)
From my earlier calcs, she'd need to be compressed into 6*10⁻²⁵m radius

Here's the black hole evaporation time formula:

t = 5120πG²M³/ℏc⁴

So let's replace the values:

M = 408.2kg
Constants = To cursed to type without summoning Stephen Hawking himself

Result: t = 1.3*10⁻¹³ seconds

She'd vanish before finishing the first beat drop lmao




--- 10 - something something Planck Density something something

Planck density is represented by:

ρ[P] = c⁵/ℏG² which is around 5.1*10⁹⁶kg/m³

Let’s compress GF to that. Volume becomes:
V = m/ρ[P]
  = 408.2 / 5.1*10⁹⁶
  = 8*10⁻⁹⁵m³

This a sphere with radius:

r = (3V/4π)
  = 2.7*10⁻³²m

Conclusion: IDK




--- END - The Conclusion?

So with that said...
HELLO INTERNET, WELCOME TO FRIDAY NIGHT THEORY The only show that proves that Beef Fried might need a spacesuit whenever hanging with her GF!

If you your GF is kaiju-Sized, make sure you make your prayers every single day.